Friday, May 31st, 2013
I never cease to be amazed by the kahones of certain people. I am on a neighborhood listserv (it actually includes folks in our entire zipcode and some interlopers who aren't even in 20817). So, I have a good cross-section of crazies to chronicle. One person posted the following:
At the Continental Divide in Rocky Mtn. Nat'l Park, Colorado Last Summer
"My husband and I have been too busy to tend to our yard and it now looks like a scene from a Jurassic Park movie. If anyone of any age would be able to just do a little raking and mow our lawn this weekend, we would be most happy to give away some of our beautiful red oak tree logs-some suitable for a fire place..."
This was sort of a "Tom Sawyer" fool's errand: this was the spring: they didn't want to pay anything AND they wanted someone to haul away their firewood. They estimated it would take 2-3 hours. To mow and rake Jurassic park? Even without running from velociraptors, the time estimated to complete this task seems a little off-kilter. But never mind that. This woman's signature block states her title and apparently, she is a big muckety muck with the government and presumably has a salary. A LARGE ONE. I responded to the post by stating that my 14-year old would work for an iPod but has little use for her firewood inasmuch as we have a gas fireplace.
In an unrelated incident of outrageous behavior, I recall a conversation I had 20 years ago. (The fact that I can recall anything beyond last night is noteworthy.) I was working on writing a script with the son of a famous Hollywood producer. He was a little weird and I was probably not so wise to go to his apartment alone but some good friends who worked with him in his "day job" vouched for him. Nothing untoward happened. I just realized what a nutjob he was after the following occurrence: While I was there, the phone rang. It was a collection agency. The Washington Post wanted their money for an ad he had placed to sell a dresser. He was a bit unpleasant and hung up on them. I asked him why he hadn't pay the bill. He said because he never sold the dresser so why should he pay for the ad? I see his logic but he was clearly under the misperception that classified ads are a contingency arrangement. Needless to say, it was impossible to co-write a script with him -- let's just say that we were not only on a different page but on opposite sides of the Continental Divide.
Posted by Sally Pessin
Filed under: Humor Blog
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