To assuage my guilt from giving my child neither a sibling nor a dog, we regularly watch other people’s dogs (but not other people’s siblings). Eric has named the business the Waldog Astoria. Although our “guests” don’t get their own terrycloth robes, they do get a lot of love and attention. But not from me. I’m not a dog person. I’m a “make-life-as-easy-as-possible” person. And having a dog ain’t easy. Especially when you are watching one the size of a pony who has a predilection for puking. In our room. On the carpet. We are fairly prepared for most eventualities but our cream colored bedroom rug isn’t. At 5:00 A.M. I like to be sleeping instead of hunting down the bottle of Resolve.
It is a shame because this Golden Doodle is the sweetest dog who will do whatever you tell him. He even listened attentively as I reviewed some legal documents with my mother-in-law. The Doodle was rapt with curiosity about the in terrorem clause I was attempting to explain to my MIL who was fast asleep as was my husband. Either the dog was an eager beaver law student in a previous life or he was signaling a need to use the outdoor facilities communicating through the use of telepathy. According to his owners, telepathy is his main form of notifying us that he would like to go out. He doesn’t bark the way other dogs do like when the mail is delivered or a rabbit is in the vicinity. He doesn’t beg at the table like some of the other pooches we watch. He can deal with anything except for his own gastrointestinal tract.
Currently, we are watching one of our favorite boarders who unfortunately went into “Addisonian crisis” on our watch. This involved a trip to the 24-hour emergency vet where we had to leave him overnight. We were all frantic with worry but apparently, it doesn’t take a lot to set off a dog (or person) with Addison’s disease. (Yes, I know President Kennedy had it — that’s what people keep telling me when I inform them of the dog’s condition. However President Kennedy also had the power of speech and a helicopter to take him to Bethesda Naval. This poor dog had no way to tell us why he was so miserable and his transportation a bit more shabby — our 11-year old minivan.)
My husband, who has also been begging for a dog, keeps telling me about the statistic that people who have dogs live longer and are healthier because petting a dog releases endorphins. For me, caring for a dog releases toxins that require me to nap for two hours every day. I am not buying my husband’s argument. You may live longer but you end up spending all that extra time cleaning up after your dog. (Next time, just clock it, you’ll see!)
The silver lining is that when we spend an entire weekend of trying to scrape loose poops and dog barf off of neighbors’ lawns, I am relieved of any feelings of bad parenting of not getting my son a pooch of his own. My family and friends think I am an awful person because I do NOT WANT A DOG. As my son said, “come on Mom, have a heart.” I told him I have one. It’s just that my brain trumps this time.
Tags: Bethesda Guitar Lessons, Chevy Chase Guitar Lessons, GuitarFun, Humor Blog, Sally Pessin